Pint-sized stalker

A's Kindergarten "term paper" is due tomorrow. It's a story/book about whatever he wants.
Anyway, I sat down with him tonight to get him to work on it. OMG, it's like pulling TEETH! I'm going to go nutty by the time he graduates.Here's an excerpt of what our evening was like. Remember, he is OBSESSED with Natalie Portman (Queen Amidala in Star Wars), and his book is about the battleships of Star Wars...

A: (bobbing his head, making silly sounds)

me: A, focus.

A: (stops, stares at his paper, makes another silly sound)

me: A, focus. Write the words (tapping the example text that I wrote down as he dictated).

A: (writes one letter) Hey mom, do droids exist?

Me: No, they don't.

A: Well, do service bots exist?

Me: Nope.

A: What about buzz droids?

Me: Nope, those don't exist either. Focus...

A: Do robots exist?

Me: Yes, robots exist, sure.

A: Can we get one?

Me: Well, buddy...I doubt that. They're very expensive.

A: I want to get one to have around the house so Natalie Portman will be impressed. She'll think I built it.

Me: She will, huh? That would be something...okay, write the next word, buddy.

A: (writes a word) Mom? Remember that scene in Star Wars Attack of the Clones Episode II where Anakin rode that big animal and fell off (chuckling now)?

Me: Yes.

A: I'm going to do that for Natalie Portman, only with a cow.

Me: (fighting the urge to laugh and scream at the same time, considering the late hour and how many more battle ships need to be described) That would be pretty funny. Write, please.

A: Yeah.

(write write write)

A: Mom?

Me: Yes, buddy.

A: Can you get the spare room ready for Natalie Portman? (A firmly believes that the letter he wrote to her will reach her, and she will indeed attend his birthday party).

Me: Honey, I don't want you to be disappointed if Natalie doesn't show up, okay? She has lots of fans and she's very busy with making movies and stuff. She might send a picture, though. Okay, write the next word, buddy. Leave a space! Leave a space! Okay, you just wrote "Thisisa".

A: (Holds his pinky to the paper to measure how much space should have been between the words) Oh. Okay.

A: (more silly sounds)

Me: A, focus on the task at hand. (tap tap tap)

A: (writes a letter)

(We get to the part where he writes his dedication and his name)

A: Hey mom...I'm writing my name like an autograph, like Natalie Portman does.

Me: Yes, yes you are.

(by this time I'm exhausted from spending two hours coaxing a sentence per ship -- 10 in all. I place my head down on the table and I am silent as he writes a bit more.)

A: Mom, are you dead?

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

I guess my one consolation is that he dedicated his book to me. I'm shocked that it wasn't Natalie Portman.